A Positive Outlook of the Economic Times

Well, guys, the news reports are in. CNN, WSJ, Time, USA Today...they're looking grim. The Dow closing 634 points for the market's worst day in almost three years is not a small matter. Plus, Congress's current deadlock is not encouraging either. These are dark days for the people of the United States. But hey, we can bounce back. We've seen worse. This is America, dammit, and we have never been, nor will ever be, a country to take things lying down. We will recover. We will be strong. We will-- oh who am I kidding.
We are fucked. Just absolutely screwed. Left for the rats, down in the dumps, roasted, toasted, bent over a barrel, shot to shit, donezo, regardless of how you say it, it all boils down to one thing: the US's economy is bad. Cringe-worthy.

For the first time in the history of the entire world (which goes back pretty far, if you think about it) the US has lost its AAA S&P credit rating, effectively meaning we are only a few bad purchases away from seeing President Obama on a freecreditreport.com commercial. But in all seriousness, without a AAA credit rating the US can no longer be considered one of the world's most reliable credit institutions, which, for a supposed global leader, is somewhat of a no-no. A big no-no. We just slid down the scale from top five countries to middling 15. We're behind freakin' Canada, for crissakes.

And their economy is based on maple syrup and hockey.

The worst part? There's nothing we can do about it. Until those nincompoops (great word) down in Washington get their act together and fix that eensy-teensy little problem known as the escalating debt, we the people, in order to form a more perfect union of not flipping shit on our Congresspeoples, are metaphorical sitting ducks. Or something along those lines, not completely sure. However, what I am completely sure of is that the S&P has threatened to lower our credit rating even further unless Congress can pull their heads out of their collective asses and deal with the problem soon. Which, as we all know, is our government's area of expertise. Oh yeah, they pass things so quickly all the time, no problem, it's what they're known for. They don't quibble and fight over every minutiae, especially on such time-sensitive and important legislature. No way. Not our Congress.

Not these guys.

My patriotism level is simply soaring by the second.  If anyone needs me, I'll be in Canada; our northern neighbors seem to be doing all right these days, eh?

And that, my friends, is about as positive as you can get. Have a great day.