howto: Make the Most of a Summer Vacation

It's a'comin'.


For some, it's a time of happiness; for others, it just means more uncomfortable weather. But for high school students, summer is like hooking up with a beautiful guy/girl, depending on how you roll: you can't wait for it to start and you hate thinking about when it's going to end. Coincidentally (not like I planned that analogy or anything), that's a major priority in most–that is, all– teenagers' minds. Blame the hormones, blame the weather, blame Donald Trump, whatever. The fact of the matter is, teenagers are lusty little buggers, and will do their darnedest to get themselves a little sumthin' sumthin'. By which I imply sexual deeds, with other teenagers. Do I really have to explain everything to you people? Jeeze.


But, back on track, all high schoolers look forward to summer.

Friggin' Dolphins

Ah, dolphins. Our favoritest sea animals. How could we not love them?  Ever-present smiles, seemingly perpetual happiness, and a willingness to  do tricks in exchange for mere mackerel, it's like they were designed  to be our best friends! Heck, they're even a lot like us, with their large levels of intelligence, hierarchy-based social structures, and sleek, agile bodies designed for speed (though that last part might just be me). But  come on, there's definitely a bond between us two species; I mean, just  look at Flipper, you can't fake that kind of love! Or can you...

Planking: A Real-Life Meme

Planking is the latest/greatest random fad to sweep the world. Though it possesses a few similarities to the actually worthwhile and semi-strenuous exercise the plank, once you cover the name and the general position you realize that one is an exercise and the other is how the guys on Jackass would try to exercise if they weren't busy making Jackass. Planking is what would happen if exercises could develop fetal alcohol syndrome. If planking was a species of animal, it would be hunted to the point of extinction in a matter of days. It's that stupid. Also, people die from it. Yet it has gained Brobdingnagian popularity across the globe quicker than you could say "Why the hell do people do this!?"