Suddenly, the idyll is broken. A frightened hush settles over the house, like an invisible scary cloud settling over a different but nevertheless similar-looking house. There's a knock at the door; when everyone pretends to not hear it, the door is knocked a second, harder time. The collected journalists and pundits jump at this "hello" in the violent dialect of sign-language, and all jump again --except George Stephanopoulos, who hasn't stepped off the ground since 2005-- when the hand responsible for the knocking creates and subsequently bursts through a splintered hole in the door. It feels around the door for a second, searching for the knob with its touch like a giant blind hand-spider. Upon finding the knob, the manual arachnid wrenches it right and unlocks the door. The hand withdraws and the door slowly opens with a creak, revealing the owner of the hand to be a monstrous, ginger hunchback with only one functioning eye. Joe Scarborough shits his pants.
For a good three seconds the cyclopean abomination surveys the huddled and glassy-eyed reporters, clearly savoring the theatricality of his entrance...but then the spell is broken. The assorted newspeople are no longer scared. They begin to whisper among themselves, pointing and giggling at the enormous, unfortunately red-headed person in the doorway. The phrases "needs to buy two plane tickets" and "can't donate sperm" are tossed around. Someone even throws in "poor depth perception," which is met with a hearty snicker. As the insults pile on, the behemoth with the spider-like hands simply stands in the doorway and accepts the barrage. A single tear rolls down its face (it would be two tears, one from each eye, but, you know, only one eye works).
Now, if that story were to be real or just a movie, that gigantic malformed human being would probably just be Wolf Blitzer's long-lost illegitimate child from a college affair with Diane Sawyer, and then the oeuvre would switch from Tyler Perry to more along the lines of Adam Sandler, who, in a shocking cinematic shakeup, would play both Wolf Blitzer AND Wolf Blitzer's facial hair. However, it is neither real nor an unwarranted sequel to That's My Boy; it's simply a story to drive home a point.
The elephantine redheaded stepchild in the room is, to bring some closure to this extended metaphor, the 2012 Presidential Election. It's huge, it's ugly, it demands attention and no one really wants to talk about it. For a good three seconds the cyclopean abomination surveys the huddled and glassy-eyed reporters, clearly savoring the theatricality of his entrance...but then the spell is broken. The assorted newspeople are no longer scared. They begin to whisper among themselves, pointing and giggling at the enormous, unfortunately red-headed person in the doorway. The phrases "needs to buy two plane tickets" and "can't donate sperm" are tossed around. Someone even throws in "poor depth perception," which is met with a hearty snicker. As the insults pile on, the behemoth with the spider-like hands simply stands in the doorway and accepts the barrage. A single tear rolls down its face (it would be two tears, one from each eye, but, you know, only one eye works).
Now, if that story were to be real or just a movie, that gigantic malformed human being would probably just be Wolf Blitzer's long-lost illegitimate child from a college affair with Diane Sawyer, and then the oeuvre would switch from Tyler Perry to more along the lines of Adam Sandler, who, in a shocking cinematic shakeup, would play both Wolf Blitzer AND Wolf Blitzer's facial hair. However, it is neither real nor an unwarranted sequel to That's My Boy; it's simply a story to drive home a point.
