Greetings from Heaven! For those of you who haven't heard, there was this little global event called the Rapture this evening (May 21, 2011), in which all of God's fave people get taken up into Heaven while the poor, heathen, devil-worshipping, Satan-spawned, only-going-to-church-on-Christmas remainder of humanity is left on Earth to suffer. I mean eventually he'll get around to killing them when he destroys the earth in five or so months, but in the meantime they will suffer. Hehe. But anyways, if you couldn't guess by my holy tone or my special ability to make words speak even though they're merely written (just did it again), I, much like a pregnant woman on a bus, got a front seat on the Jesus-train and was taken to Heaven. After some understandably complicated and drawn-out customs procedures–can't have any Episcopalian wannabes sneaking in!– I finally got through the Pearly Gates.
Chances are you've all at one point or other heard Heaven described. Let me tell you: it's better than that. Waaaaayyyy better than that.
